The onset of anxiety and panic in a Dec. 27 game prompted Ottawa Senators goaltender Linus Ullmark to take his ongoing personal leave the next day, he told TSN in an interview released Tuesday.
Speaking publicly for the first time since his indefinite leave of absence began, the 32-year-old Swede said he has dealt with mental health issues that intensified during a 7-5 road loss to the Toronto Maple Leafs, Ottawa’s first game following the Christmas break.
Ullmark, who said he felt anxious pregame, allowed four goals on 14 shots and was removed in the second period.
“We hockey players always think that things are going to kind of sort themselves out. So I kept playing, thinking that in the first period, kind of everything will settle once I get out there. And then you let in the first goal, first shot, first period — (40) seconds in. That doesn’t really make you settle in very nicely. Now your thoughts start to get even more louder,” Ullmark said.
“And the thing is that I’ve learned a lot back in the day when my dad (died in 2021) regarding depression, regarding sadness. How to really make the darkness your friend. And so, this was a whole new thing. But I also know that I was very scared. It was something that physically manifested in me during the game. And I was very, you know, I was not myself, basically.”
Ullmark said he contacted the NHL/NHLPA Player Assistance Program and organized his leave of absence with the Senators.
Social media users proceeded to spread erroneous rumors about the nature of his leave. Senators general manager Steve Staios forcefully denied the rumors in a Jan. 8 statement that slammed “the lowest forms of trolls and sick people who scour the internet” for failing to respect Ullmark’s privacy.
“And people wonder why hockey players (and) professional athletes are not talking. Why we’re not showing any sort of emotions. Why mental health in men and in women (is) a stigma. It took them less than 24 hours from my leave of absence to try to find reasons to why I’m gone. Saying that I’m a homewrecker, a person that no one likes in the team. And I can’t defend myself,” Ullmark told TSN.
“I didn’t know about this until days later. And it sucks, because I have a family. I have a wife. I have kids. They get sent text messages asking, ‘Hey, are you guys good?’ I’m like, ‘Yeah, why?’ And then they tell you about the rumors and you’re like, ‘What the f– is wrong with people?’
“So of course we’re not going to say anything. Because people love to just f— drag you down. They just want to find a reason to bring you down to their level. They don’t care. (The) general public do not care. I’m not speaking about the Sens fans, because they’ve been awesome. But if people really, really want us in sports to be more upfront and honest, yeah — you gotta take a look hard look here at yourself in the mirror.”
Ullmark recently skated with the Senators and told TSN he is “doing a lot better” but does not feel ready to return to game action. He compiled a 2.95 goals-against average and a .881 save percentage in 28 starts before his leave.
He is in his second season with the Senators. The 2022-23 Vezina Trophy winner is 177-95-31 with a 2.58 GAA, a .914 save percentage and 13 shutouts across 11 seasons with the Buffalo Sabres (2015-21), Boston Bruins (2021-24) and Ottawa.
Ottawa signed veteran goalie James Reimer on Jan. 12, demoted 23-year-old backup Leevi Merilainen to the American Hockey League on Tuesday and recalled Hunter Shepard in a corresponding move.
The Senators, whose .870 team save percentage ranks last in the NHL, entered Tuesday six points below the Eastern Conference playoff cutline.
–Field Level Media
